"I See You": Acknowledgement in Mindful Leadership

Theme: Acknowledgement

Introduction

“No one who achieves success does so without acknowledging the help of others. The wise and confident acknowledge this help with gratitude.”

–Alfred North Whitehead

Acknowledgement can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people.  I even have to remind myself, occasionally, of my meaning here with regards to leadership.  For my part, I can often use this word as a synonym for responsibility, in the sense that one might acknowledge their responsibility for a certain event that had happened.  But I’ve actually identified responsibility as a concept under Accountability (which I wrote about not too long ago)... and while there is a lot of overlap between many of the concepts I’ve identified for Mindful Leadership, I wanted to clarify my meaning on the difference between them here.

For the purposes of Mindful Leadership, Acknowledgement is the observation, the outward recognition, and the feeling of appreciation conveyed by a leader of the hard work any and all members of their team have put into their part of the Mission.  It can be done often as a group, but has the most effect when done individually.

If you want someone to do their best in the work they do for you, if you want them to care about it at all, you have to show that YOU care about it, too.  You have to acknowledge their hard work.

So much of management is catching people when they’ve made mistakes, and often responding in punitive ways.  But in leadership, you also want to point out when people are doing things right, show that you noticed, and express your appreciation.  This can actually be a really fun aspect of leadership.  It keeps your team engaged and creates a supportive culture within it.

Key Insights

“Leaders don't look for recognition from others, leaders look for others to recognize.” 

–Simon Sinek

Acknowledging your team, as individuals and as a whole team, is key to maintaining morale.  The closer you are to that team, the more directly they report to you, and the more often they see you showing up, the more meaningful it will be to them, especially on a personal level.

• Highlighting when they do well boosts spirits and makes them want to keep doing well (yay!  Dopamine!)

• Getting to know them well enough to know how they prefer to be acknowledged shows that you care about them as more than just another cog.

• They will do their best work when it’s what they WANT to do.  That excitement lasts longer when they know that you recognize they are doing well.

• The opposite is also true:

  • If you do not acknowledge good work, they lose the will to continue doing good work.

  • If you do not acknowledge the long hours they put in, or the right choices they made, they will grow resentful and will revert to doing the bare minimum.

  • If you threaten their jobs, it may make them work faster, but it will not make them care about it.  There will be more mistakes.

Concepts that fall under Acknowledgement for Neurodivergent Leaders (to be discussed further in future blog posts):

• Observation

• Stewardship

• Appreciation

• Recognition

• Affirmation

• Generosity

Examples

“A recent management study revealed that 46% of employees leaving a company do so because they feel underappreciated; 61% said their bosses don't place much importance on them as people, and 88% said they do not receive acknowledgement for the work they do.” –Jack Canfield

In one of my jobs, I was actually doing the work of 3 full time employees, for the price of less than one (do not recommend).  Additionally, I had TWO bosses above me, giving me conflicting information regarding expected outcomes (which one continued to hold against me years after the other left).  I was responsible to make sure all the front-of-house work happened.  All the stuff that you could SEE happening, every day.  I was constantly training new volunteers, scheduling them on a daily basis, enrolling new clients, setting up their materials, coming up with lesson plans and activities for 4 different groups of clients, who rotated every half hour or so,for a program that met 4 days a week. I started out behind and never felt like I could catch up because there was never time to do so.  I never took time off.  I thought about work constantly, because I was trying to figure out how to get ahead enough to breathe.  I was burning out fast.  And it felt like the only feedback I was getting from anyone was that I wasn’t good enough  (I said the wrong thing to the wrong person, or I complained about all the work but didn’t offer any solutions that they could do in my overwhelm).

And then they FINALLY hired someone else to help, after years of me begging, and nearly a year of me making myself physically ill from the stress.  The new person took one of the full-time jobs (the one I liked the least) off of my plate and it was like a weight was lifted.  I don’t think a week went by without me telling her how much I appreciated her being there.  Once she was there, I could breathe.  I could get ahead enough to make changes that would make her job easier.  And I stopped making as many social mistakes.  

But I think, more importantly, I made sure that she never felt the way I felt when I was so overwhelmed.  Her being there freed me up enough to begin becoming a leader.  And I didn’t want to leave her behind when she had done me such a service.  

She left that organization after a few years, and eventually left the state, and we still keep in touch.  And the two other people who sat in her office after she left were also lovely, and I tried to make sure they felt appreciated as well.  Though I’m not sure I managed to say something every week. 

The last one left the week after I did, in part because she was not feeling acknowledged or appreciated by our boss.  She did everything she could to show him what she was doing, but he refused to show up or say anything beyond a quick “Good job” or “Thanks.”  I think the final straw was when he “advocated” for her to get a “raise” that was less than inflation had risen, so that she was technically losing money (wealth? Value?) if she stayed.

Looking back, I fully believe I was being taken advantage of in that organization, as was at least one of my leaders, and all of the colleagues who took that work off my shoulders.  They expected so much for so little return, and I think that at least part of the reason I stayed for as long as I did is because I am AuDHD, and I learned to ignore my instincts and my body to power through and give them what they wanted.  Like a self-inflicted ABA.

But it also made me that much more grateful when I finally got help, and I never let myself forget that gratitude.  

What This Means for Neurodivergent Leaders

“Research has shown over and over again that the more you acknowledge your past successes, the more confident you become in taking on and successfully accomplishing new ones.”

–Jack Canfield

I think that, because of my autistic side, I had a tendency to go into work, get it done, and get out.  There was a long stretch of time where the day felt tolerable if no one came to me with negative feedback.  But even when I was doing well, I would get “in the zone” and not really care if someone gave me praise or not… I was happy that the work got done.  That was often exciting enough for me.  So it was hard to remember to acknowledge and praise other people.

BUT when acknowledgement did come, especially in a form I was comfortable with, I would be over the moon!

One aspect of neurodivergence is that we have a tendency to follow the dopamine.  We may find it in different ways, but it’s also something that affects all people.  Everyone enjoys the spike of dopamine they get when someone says something nice to them.

Another aspect of leadership is training up future leaders.  And as the quote above suggests, part of doing that is building confidence.  Both your own, and that of your team members.  The best way to build that confidence is to give them praise when they do something right.  Even if it is exactly what they’ve been trained to do, if they’re doing it for the first or second time, you have to tell them it was right.  Later, if you want them to keep doing it right (not looking for shortcuts or ignoring it altogether), you have to periodically remind them.  It’s better to do so by thanking them for continuing to do it right, than to wait too long and have to re-train them (at best, this comes off as passive aggressive).

Tips & Action Steps

“Real life isn't always going to be perfect or go our way, but the recurring acknowledgement of what is working in our lives can help us not only to survive but surmount our difficulties.”

–Sarah Ban Breathnach

• Analyze your leadership style.  Keep track of how often you give out praise vs. how often you give negative feedback for one week.  What does that reveal to you?

  • Consider keeping track of this for each team member.  It can either reveal difficulties a team member may be having (they may need help or more training), or a bias you have that you didn’t even recognize.

• Ask each team member how they prefer to be acknowledged. 

  • Some may prefer the spotlight, while others shy away from it.  Both still need positive feedback and deserve to be recognized.

  • This can be done in a 1-on-1 check-in, or via a survey sent to your team all at once, or as an onboarding activity.

• Practice praising good work, rather than acting as though it is the bare minimum.

• Remember to thank your team constantly (if they were not there, you would have to do all the work yourself!)

• Schedule a time every week/month/year to acknowledge each team member and point out what they are doing well in whatever way(s) they prefer.  

  • Put it in your calendar!  With notifications!

In reality, these are just tips that I’ve found work for me.  The important thing is remembering to acknowledge your team.  However works best for them and for you.