Mindfulness for ND Leaders: An Overview
Pillar: Be Kind
Theme: Mindfulness
Concept: General Overview
I recently watched a panel of respected leaders (Jon Macaskill, Founder of Frogman Mindfulness; John Salamone, Chief Human Resources Officer, U.S. House of Representatives; and Garth Smelzer, Co-Founder & Manager of Mindful FED) put together by the Calm app. Given it was Calm arranging the shindig, it was, of course, about Mindfulness. Since Mindfulness is one of the 12 themes I’ve identified while creating my Wheel of Leadership, for Leadership coaching purposes, I felt inspired to write about it here.
A lot of people think of Mindfulness as woo, so it’s a hard sell to most professional workplaces and the leadership within them. But it’s actually well studied (19,000+ research articles!) for helping both employees and leaders perform better, reduce turnover, and retain valuable employees.
So, what is Mindfulness? When we’re talking about it in a workplace/professional/leadership context, put simply, Mindfulness is intentionally being fully present, without judgment. (This was the definition given by the panel, except I added “intentionally,” because it feels important to add intentionality to it.) It includes concepts such as social emotional intelligence, balance, empathy, self awareness, active listening, conflict resolution, connection, and emotional regulation, among others.
Mindfulness is intentionally being fully present, without judgment.
Mindfulness is, in my opinion, one of the most overlooked aspects of Leadership by leaders, and it is one of the most important. You can do almost none of the other themes well without some level of Mindfulness involved.
I’ve known for years that Mindfulness, along with the concepts listed above and the desire to make sure everyone is psychologically safe and healthy, create an environment in which people want to be and work. I learned this through experience, both personally and on the community level, before receiving training related to Mindfulness to further advance my leadership capabilities.
Practicing Mindfulness for yourself can boost your mental health. Adding that practice to your leadership toolkit can improve the overall company culture.
Personal Experience
How I Learned Mindfulness in Leadership was Important
I became acutely aware of the need for and benefits of Mindfulness after a community-wide trauma had occurred in my City. It was a violent tragedy that hit the news cycle, and really affected everyone, even people who didn’t know the people involved.
I did know the people involved. And I knew people close with them. And when I say I lived and worked in their community, I mean community in the sense of people who come together for a common purpose, not just people who live in my town, who I may or may not have ever met.
Everyone I knew at work was absolutely devastated. It was a really hard time to get through, filled with lots of tears, numbness, and therapy for all. It’s when my focus as a leader had to shift from just making sure that everything got done, to making sure that everyone was okay.
When everything settled down from that, I held onto that mindset shift. Turns out, on an individual basis, anyone can be not okay at any time! I wanted to continue to make sure everyone was okay, so I made sure they knew that they could come talk to me about anything. And if there was conflict, I would start by asking them what was going on (rather than jumping to some type of discipline). More often than not, the conflict was about more than just the outbreak that caught my attention, and usually it was about more than whatever was going on between the people involved. At least one of them would have some personal issue that was bubbling to the surface and coming out in the wrong place. So I started building a toolkit of items to help those people be able to name their feelings and work through them.
With all this in mind, I participated in Community Resiliency Model training (through the Trauma Resource Institute), and eventually became a field instructor for social work students (the university examined my past work, education, and volunteer experience and decided I did everything the hard way, in order to qualify). The university offered continuing education credits free for field instructors a couple times a year, and while I didn’t need the credits for my position, I still took advantage of the training every time.
And then, of course, COVID-19 happened. That was an internationally traumatic event. During the pandemic, I would stay in constant contact with my team and the people we served (as much as I could), and frequently used techniques I had learned from these trainings to get people back into their Resilient (or “OK”) Zone.
Click here to watch a video from TRI explaining this graphic.
How I Learned that Lack of Mindfulness in Leadership is Damaging to Your People AND the Organization
Unfortunately, because I was “the expert” and “the heart of the organization” (as my boss literally called me, once), it became clear when I needed the same support that my own “leadership” had missed the memo. They relied on me to do that part of leadership, and had no idea how to handle it when I needed the same support I offered to everyone else. Which is why, when I left on stress leave after three months of panic attacks because of how my boss was treating me after standing up against an unsafe decision he made, and he decided to fire me illegally for not coming back from said stress leave by the time he had in his head, he lost the entire full-time staff within a week. And he lost the trust of the part-time staff and people we served soon after.
I know that most of my stories here deal with trauma, and the hope is that, on a regular basis, there won’t be trauma. (I just happen to have worked in a more dangerous, trauma-inducing place than most hopefully do.) But trauma, extreme overwhelm, burnout, etc. are all roots of the same tree. If you use Mindfulness consistently, you can at least (hopefully) avoid yourself or your workplace being the cause of any of your team members’ trauma, overwhelm, or burnout.
What it means for Neurodiverse folx
We are more prone to being stressed out by the normally accepted workplace environment. We are more prone to be stressed out just by daily life. Constantly being overwhelmed is not good for us, or for our teams.
Mindfulness won’t fix all of this, but it can definitely help us on a personal level. Studies have shown that consistent practice can literally change the structure of your brain and nervous system. You can tamp down your fight-or-flight reflexes, and make them more controllable.
Additionally, because of our propensity for overwhelm, we are often more empathetic than more neurotypical leaders. Our lack of understanding the unspoken rules of society can often make us more active listeners. And the fact that we’ve done the work to figure out that we are neurodivergent makes us more self-aware than most neurotypicals, as well.
Tips & Tricks
If you want to build a company/organization culture of Mindfulness, the suggestion in the panel I watched was to just start. This is not something that needs to be completely planned out before you begin. And the same goes for building your personal Mindfulness, too.
Suggestions were made to do things like start each meeting with a 3-5 minute meditation or grounding session, or to hold longer mindfulness sessions weekly for a broader selection of people to come to, if they feel like it (non compulsory).
For my part, I think my Mindfulness in Leadership journey really started when people were (understandably) trauma dumping on me, and I genuinely didn’t know what to say. So I listened. I actively listened, without judgment, and I occasionally asked questions or offered hugs, when appropriate.
If you learn better from watching TV shows (as I do) and being able to process things that happened in full, I would suggest watching Ted Lasso. It’s an excellent show all around, but the leadership you see in it is fantastic, and not the kind you usually see in media (or real life) these days. And you don’t actually need to know anything about British football (*cough* soccer cough) leagues.
Mindfulness in Action
Helpful phrases to say when connecting with someone who may be outside of their “OK Zone”:
“Are you sure [you’re fine/okay]?”
I usually use this when I’m asking people how they are doing and they are following the script (How are you? - I’m fine.), but I get the sense from the way that they answered that they are not fine.
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
This one seems to be the magic phrase that gets people to tell me everything. The permission to choose another option frees people up to share what’s really on their mind and heart.
“Do you need a hug?”
Only use this if you are willing to give a hug. I often use this when it’s clear they are hurting (mentally or emotionally), and I don’t have any advice. It’s a way to offer comfort when you don’t know what to say.
“How does that make you feel?”
Not just for therapy! It really does help encourage people to be more self-aware, themselves, when you remind them to check in with how they are feeling.
“Is this a secret/confidential?”
I mostly ask this when it’s not already a deep conversation, but they are telling me something that seems very personal. This shows that you do not want to break their confidence or trust.
“There’s nothing you can do that is so bad that I would stop loving you.”
I use this more with kids. Especially anxious kids. This tends to open them up when they realize that I don’t have ill feelings toward them just because they broke a rule.
“Don’t worry about it. Get some rest and feel better.”
When team members and colleagues are unable to make it to the work day or activities because something is wrong (ex: illness, tragedy, etc.)
“Don’t forget to take your lunch break.”
For workaholics, usually in a playful tone. It shows you care about them more than just what they can do for you, and it builds their trust in you to look out for them.
“Please, go home/stop working.”
For the workaholics, usually in a playful tone. Or people who come in when they are clearly not doing well mentally, physically, or emotionally, usually in a concerned/caring tone.
“It’s okay to say no.”
For the people who take on too much work/responsibility, or the ones who may be on the edge of being overwhelmed with work to do.
“What can we take off your plate?”
I hesitate to use this one, because It’s been asked of me by a boss, and then they got upset with me when I actually answered with something. It’s for people who are overwhelmed with the work they already have.
Silence.
Sometimes it’s ok not to have anything to say. Sometimes it helps for people just to be able to share out loud. Sometimes, just listening is the best thing you can do.
Apps and Sites to help:
Calm App- tons of pre-recorded meditations to listen to for various demographics with varying lengths of time. (If you use this link, you can get 30 days of Premium for free. NOT an affiliate link)
iChill- developed by the Trauma Resource Institute. Has valuable tips for grounding yourself when you’re feeling overwhelmed.
Calm Harm- an app put out by Calm to help those considering harming themselves.
Clear Fear- (I think this was formerly Calm Fear?) an app designed to help reduce anxiety and fear.
YouTube- I’ve used dozens of videos available for free, for both myself and group workshops, including Zumba videos and Yoga videos, to get everyone moving physically.
Continuing Education for yourself and anyone on your team that wants to help others when they are overwhelmed: Community Resiliency Training with TRI
These lists and recommendations are not exhaustive, but they are the ones that I have used and seen, personally and professionally.
And finally, I just want to be clear that you don’t have to be at the top to build Mindfulness into the company culture. It is great if those at the top practice it as well (as evidenced by my negative story), in order to encourage it to be a part of the company culture throughout the organization. But it does require everyone to be on board for it to actually be part of company culture.
I know from personal experience that you can work on it for you, and consistently treat your colleagues and team members with Mindfulness and respect, and that will build both your reputation and the company culture.
